April is here at long last but the trees are still barely budded.
I've been waiting and waiting for the spring storms to roll their way
across the roof and inspire new notes with each thunderclap. But instead
I find myself hearing gentle rains pattering lightly on the ground.
Light little taps of a watery baton. The new tunes aren't flashing into
my mind this season but they are slowly building up. Each note slithers
its way onto the staff like seeds sliding into the ground.
My
garden doesn't grow in rows since I'm much too impatient to make the
plants behave. Instead the sprouts scatter over wide areas and pop up in
places I'm sure I didn't plant them. But the patterns they make are all
the more lovely for that. I've taken to writing several versions of a
new melody idea for similar reasons. There isn't just one pattern for
the notes to follow when I play and for the life of me, I can't decide
on one to commit to the still paper version. But when three different
versions twist round each other on the page, I am happy and content. I
don't have to set these songs in stone; they can leap about into new and
unexpected designs. The improvisation and the composition can exist
side by side after all.
I
was late ordering seeds this spring which has worked out well for once.
The cold kept returning, making me grateful there wasn't much in the
garden to get nipped by the frost. I feel the same about how long I took
before learning to compose. I didn't study the subject in school; I
didn't take the classes that my composing friends complained about so
bitterly. The rules and restrictions in those classes would have driven
me mad. I understand the point of using structure to develop a creative
skill (and use the idea in many ways) but the rules about which
intervals could be used and the patterns of melodies that were allowed
were not the structure I needed. I needed to follow the notes down into
the dark depths of the musical forest, where even the deer trails
disappear and learn to find my way about by listening to the notes
alone. I needed to have the freedom explore the different ways the
harmonies worked from year to year, within their wild home. It took a
great deal of time and in many ways I am still lost in the woods but I
feel at home there and I have found new and unexpected skills within my
musical creations. Little sprigs of ideas appear like mushroom caps and
early wild flowers after a rain. And when I let them grow at their own
pace, without hurrying them, they often surprise me with their beauty.
I
do grow salad greens inside as well and this year was no exception. The
broccoli raab I planted back in January has been a great and unending
delight all this long winter. The window box of green florets sits
beside my music stand in my practice room where I can look out the
window as I work on scales and memorizing. My breath makes the leaves
toss and turn at times and I can imagine the plants are dancing to the
music. I've watched the winter season through that window with each
practice session and gloried in the tiny changes I was seeing. And
hearing.
It may have taken a long time but there is no doubt. It
is the budding season, the time of new growth and new ideas. The
bird-calls fill the days and the coyote-howls fill the nights. Soon, I
will take myself outside to practice, to give the note-seeds room to
grow and to delight in the spring.